I haven’t seen SuperCounselor in ages – she’s been M.I.A! Well, not missing, exactly, more like keeping her nose to the grindstone, her head down, her pedal to the metal – choose your cliché – she’s been working hard! She’s just been so, so overwhelmed busy at school and trying desperately to find some kind of work/life balance, that she hasn’t had the oomph for heroics (beyond the regular ones she performs every day at school, anyway.) But never fear, even on her most tired, rung-out-iest days, SuperCounselor can always be counted on to leap to the rescue!
At the end of school on one recent, exhausting day, I glanced at my phone to check my personal email and saw this:
WHAT???!!! The future of school counseling was being canceled???!!! How could this be? What could I do? I was fresh out of ideas and drowning in paperwork, so I quickly forwarded the email to SuperCounselor, who is made of braver, brighter, hardier stuff than I.
No sooner had she read the message than SuperCounselor tossed aside the still uneaten lunch she had just barely unwrapped, gave up all hope of ever getting a bathroom break that day, dug to the bottom of her school bag for her long-neglected and now extremely wrinkled cape, and sprang into action! She wasn’t going to let the future of school counseling be destroyed, nosiree, not on HER watch! (See, I told you – braver, brighter, hardier than I!) SuperCounselor squinted at her phone – heaven only knows where she’d left her reading glasses (she’s super, but not perfect). Could it be true? Was the dastardly perpetrator of this evil plot actually the mild-mannered, all-kinds-of-friendly-and-helpful professor and school counseling/tech expert, Erin Mason of SCOPE? It couldn’t be! Or could it?
Just like you, SuperCounselor has TONS of experience with people blaming others for their misdeeds, so she used her brilliant powers of perception to ferret out the true threat to the future of our illustrious profession. It wasn’t Erin Mason at all! It was the Evil Ratfink Institute of Nefarious Mayhem And School Counseling Obliteration Network, a.k.a. E.R.I.N.M.A.S.O.N.!
You may not have heard of E.R.I.N.M.A.S.O.N., but you have definitely seen its work. Oh yes, E.R.I.N.M.A.S.O.N. has aimed its S.C.O.P.E. (School Counselors’ Outstanding Professionalism Extractor) at us on many, many occasions, hoping to get us to crack under the pressure. All those times you were called (shudder) a “guidance” counselor? – E.R.I.N.M.A.S.O.N.! Put in charge of counting out a whole school’s worth of pencils and test booklets? – E.R.I.N.M.A.S.O.N.! Common App tech glitches right before the early action deadline? – E.R.I.N.M.A.S.O.N! Now the whole future of school counseling hung in the balance!
SuperCounselor knew that if she didn’t do something right away, she and all of her wonderful school counseling comrades throughout the world would be snuffed out and replaced with Stepford counselors, who would happily while away their days with administrative tasks, abandon all efforts at prevention, and refer to themselves as “Guidance.” The horror!
She put on her I-mean-business-yet-quite-stylish superheroine boots and stormed her way into E.R.I.N.M.A.S.O.N. headquarters, which – ahem – may have been in Philadelphia, scene of a major E.R.I.N.M.A.S.O.N. crime last year. The brains behind E.R.I.N.M.A.S.O.N. were a sorry-looking bunch, pickled and grumpy little characters with a whiff of politician and old-school administrator about them, who clearly hadn’t been out to recess in a long, long time.
They aimed their S.C.O.P.E. at her with maximum “G” force, but despite all their best efforts, couldn’t get her to say she was a guidance counselor.
Truth be told, she felt kind of sorry for them, and realized that their behavior was really just a matter of lagging skills. Alternating kind and understanding nods with her oh-yes-you-WILL-be-taking-responsibility-and-apologizing stink-eye, SuperCounselor soon had the E.R.I.N.M.A.S.O.N. minions assessed, on behavior plans, and registered for ASCA14.
SuperCounselor had saved the day! The Future of School Counseling was on again! Hurrah!
Or maybe SuperCounselor just sent the real Erin Mason an email to let her know that a simple change she made in Google+ about an event titled “The Future of School Counseling” resulted in a very amusing email message, and then the real Erin Mason fixed it. I’ll never tell!
You can watch The Future of School Counseling here. Really. It’s a real thing. A Google Hangout. Created for us. By the real Erin Mason of SCOPE. Go check it (and all the other great SCOPE resources) out! The minions are now on their best behavior, and I promise you, no one will mention the G word!
P.S. Thanks to the real Erin Mason, not only for her general awesomeness, but also for being such a good sport!
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